You are a garden and self care is how you grow!
What the heck do I mean by that? Self care? What is that! I wouldn’t be surprised if that were your reaction.
Many people are dried up and exhausted gardens in today’s world. We do the best we can to nourish ourselves, water ourselves, and get sunlight. To no avail, today’s society is continuously draining us, withering our leaves and causing us to even uproot ourselves and cross the country in hopes of a better environment.
I’ve seen it quite a bit in #Seattle, in both a literal and figurative sense. Metaphors aside, this blog post is going to be about you and I’ll be offering a perspective that will hopefully give you some encouragement.
First let’s look at the picture above:
You’ll see a variety of plants. The most prominent plant is the vibrant one with the pink and green leaves. This plant is an incredibly thirsty one and it will wither dramatically if it doesn’t get water after 3 days. In the white pot is a succulent, this little dude absolutely thrives on neglect and would die if I were to water it just three days apart.
In the lower right corner we see some baby salvia (aloe) leaves, while it thrives on neglect, it needs a little more water than the previous succulent. You can see some leaves and roots for another plant, one that I have had with me for my entirety in Seattle. It needed to be cut up and propagated as it started to die in it’s crowded pot. This would be one of those “magic bamboos” often given as house warming gifts. This particular plant’s name is The Collective of Bilbo and Frodo. At one point there were over 5 stalks in the pot.
I was so sad when it started to die. In fact, I’ve been so sad every time I have lost a plant. Like the Tom Thumb cactus I purchased from someone uprooting themselves and moving away from Seattle. I had that guy for almost 5 years. One week I forgot his watering pattern and I gave him too much, and he grew mold all over and died! He was the Fairy Castle Cactus’s friend (the one pictured above). His name was Fred. I’m sure Frank (his prickly pal) was also so upset.
If you haven’t gathered the intel by now, yes, I name my plants.
I rescued and bought my plants from many different places. The very vibrant drama queen is a Nerve Plant I got from the local #BuyNothingGroup in West Queen Anne! My salvia baby was a trade, where I gave a very spiny little cactus that stung me to another person who felt confident to take care of it in exchange.
We put so much thought and care, and even adventure into our quest to fill up our homes with vibrant and thriving plants. We pour ourselves into our plants. Cry (If you’re like me) when they die, give them as gifts, celebrate each successful propagation, and love them to the very end.
It makes me wonder why we do not treat ourselves this well. Why we don’t put as much thought into ourselves as we do our plants. We panic when we realize we haven’t watered them, for example. When we haven’t been watered? We might shrug and say: “Eh It’s ok”.
That’s right, now we’re in the part of the post where it’s all about you!
Plants, Babies, Pets, our Spouses and Siblings, they often get prioritized before us. We eat the crust our toddler won’t touch on their PB&J. We get up before everyone else and we cook a big breakfast and then drive the kids to school. We go back home and clean the house, maybe get a short nap in, then it’s back to the school to pickup.
When our loved ones are in an emotional crises or need some extra support with their children, we step up. Without question we are Givers and Nurturers. We plant seeds in other people’s gardens, water them, nurture them, and continually invest in that cycle.
Yet at the end of the day we are depleted and tired. Perhaps the joy from being a Nurturing Giver is what keeps us going, or maybe it’s the sheer fight or flight patterns we have ingrained into our core. Regardless, we’re the ones laying awake at night wondering about others, or if we did well enough, or did I say the wrong thing earlier, and oh I forgot to turn the heat off at he office (that’s me, to be honest)…. And on and on and on.
Perhaps you barely make plans for yourself. You put your own appointments last. You put yourself last. You set yourself aside and do nothing to nurture yourself. Your garden might look and feel like a wasteland, with a few hopeful sprouts clinging for dear life. You keep going on the bare minimum because you don’t want to disappoint others. You care so much, and yet you can’t direct any of that caring nature towards yourself.
Are you feeling seen yet? Maybe some emotions are stirring up for you. Why don’t you take a big deep breath and settle into your chair, or where you’re standing and get present.
I’d love for you to take this opportunity:
Breathe in through your nose and imagine that you’re pulling up nutrients from the core of the earth into your body and that you’re sprouting new leaves out of your head. Sit with that image for a moment and settle your attention as equally as you can into your body. Continue to take deep breaths through your nose and exhale through your nose in a slow and controlled way. Repeat for at least 4 breath cycles while your leaves sprout and spread all around you.
I’ll wait, take your time with it and take note of any new or forgotten information your body gives you. When you’re ready, I’ve got more to say.
I want to thank you for giving that mindfulness exercise a try. It’s a way for you to reconnect with yourself when your mind is on everything (and everyone) else.
You’re not alone in this process of coming back to yourself and tending to your own garden. There are so many people working on similar aspects of this quest. You would be surprised who is willing to support your efforts!
Our garden shed tools of Metaphors, Visualization, Movement, Bodywork, and Breathing are all great ways of coming back to your center and to gather data about yourself and your needs. Too often our nervous system is burdened by society. All of your energy is going to other people. Your time is limited and you might feel chronically exhausted. You may even be in chronic pain. I wonder if, while doing the exercise if you felt any pain that you’ve been able to ignore, while focusing on everyone else’s needs?
I’m almost certain of it. Those of us who are Nurturing Givers often ignore our pain signals and continue to approach activities of our daily living that are keeping us in these painful holding patterns. Nurturing and Giving so much to others is a wonderful way of distracting ourselves from our pain. People like us must actively work to build up our internal resources for dealing with the demanding and stressful burdens of society.
Participating in regular self care (and #communitycare!) is really important for us to take care of our own garden. We deserve to thrive just as much as those around us. If you’re like me and you’re crying or having funerals for your dead plants, you need to turn towards yourself and give yourself the same level of love and nurturing. It can be hard to do that. Especially when so much of society emphasizes how productive and giving we are. Our identities get wrapped up in “What am I doing for others? Am I doing enough? How can I be of #service?”
We are meant to support ourselves and each other instead of participating in one-way giving. Our relationships with others are meant to be reciprocal! Water each others’ gardens, exchange seed packets (or ideas!), reach out and ask for what you need and want, and expect that you’ll eventually get it. Clear out the dried and dead underbrush of your garden and get creative with some shaping your own landscape.
Society will always burden us, demand too much of us, and require us to push our limits at times. It’s an unfortunate reality. You do what you can for your garden when you are able. One of the best ways to start doing what you can now is to set boundaries. You’re life is worth participating in. Your life doesn’t have to revolve around what you can do for others all the time. You can be a loving, nurturing, and giving person without sacrificing the time and space you need to thrive in the sunlight.
You’re allowed to think about what you want to do next and make important decisions about how you want to approach your self care. You’re allowed to book a #massage or set up a #spaday for you and your children. Maybe you need a 3 hour nap undisturbed so you’ll ask your spouse to watch the kids at the park.
Having #fun is a regular and healthy aspect of being a human being with a complex nervous system as well. Be silly and dance your heart out or relax with friends over an online game. No one has to do self care in a picture perfect way. Your journey is yours, completely so. Other people can be important party members in your quests, but at the end of the day, this is your own story.
Becoming more #mindful and #present with yourself and your body’s needs can feel daunting. There are people who you can meet on your journey who will help you with that process. No one can simply depend solely on #meditation or #yoga to solve all their problems, either. Tending to your own garden is a nuanced and daily effort that has a variety of tasks involved. There’s quite a bit of adventure and exploration to be had. What you may need any given week could change.
Finding a self care routine that works for you and helps bolster your internal resources for managing #stress, #chronicpain, #emotionaldysregulation and getting more sleep will ultimately allow you to do more impactful things for others. Think of it this way: You get self care and participate in community care so you can more precisely support other people’s gardens.
Ensure your garden is #healing and on it’s way to growing lush leaves so you can inspire others on the same path.
I hope this gave you some good food for thought and that your roots are feeling more encouraged to take hold. You can play with the mindfulness exercise I wrote above anytime you’re feeling overwhelmed or need a moment of rest in your busy day.
